Please remember that it's very unnecessary for mommies to get too much sleep or for them to eat hot meals at normal times. Mommies need our help, as babies, to make sure that these two critical things never happen consistently.
Like I said, this will take several nights.
On the first night, you should act sleepy at a normal time. Allow your mommy to nurse you for about twenty minutes, and gracefully fall asleep. Allow her to lay you down, eat her dinner at a normal dinner time, and then sleep for about eight hours. A good night to start would be a night when daddy is home, so that he thinks she's crazy when she says you have a hard time getting to sleep.
You can repeat this step for several nights to get mommy into a false sense of security. However, you don't want to exceed three nights in a row. You may develop a habit yourself of sleeping through the night and going to bed without fuss, and then the whole process is ruined!
The next part of the process is where it gets interesting. I will lay it out for you step by step.
Step One:
Get cranky at an odd time. 5:45 seems to work well. It's too early to go to bed, but also too late for a nap. Your mommy will be really confused and have to try to figure out how to appease you. She will inevitably take her time getting you ready for bed, attempt to read a book (don't fall for this!), and finally just begin to nurse you in hopes that you will fall asleep and stay asleep.
Step Two:
Nurse for three hours. Seriously. No less than three hours. If the milk is taken away, it is your absolute right to completely lose your mind. There is no excuse for the milk being taken away.
Step Three:
After the three hours, act like you are asleep.
Step Four:
Give your mommy about ten minutes. Then, roll over onto your belly and scream your head off. Make sure to flail around. Bonus points if you also stick an arm or leg through the bars on your crib. This really freaks mommies out.
Step Five:
Allow mommy to nurse you for another ten to twenty minutes. Act like you are asleep. Again. You may repeat this step as many times as you deem necessary.
Step Six:
After twenty minutes, your mommy will surely think that she can eat something. Make sure that it is late enough that she has resorted to microwaving something that was prepared earlier or something like a Hungry Man meal that she will shamefully eat in about four bites. As soon as you hear the beeping of the microwave, start the screaming process again.
Step Seven:
This is very important. When your mommy comes to check on you (because you've already proven that you are absolutely "helpless" and could possibly be on your belly with half of your body dangling out of the crib), smile and laugh. Bonus points for a happy squeal. They like that. A lot.
Step Eight:
When your mommy FINALLY allows you to come back out of the bedroom so she can eat, make sure you give her this face:
She can't resist that face.
I hope that sleep training your mommy (or daddy) goes just as well for you as it has for me.
Love always,
Ella Kate
