What I Want for My Daughter

There are so many many things I want for my sweet Ella Kate.  Lately, I've been thinking about it a lot. 

Here is a list of the things that I want for Ella:
Want
Pain
Hunger
Sadness
Loneliness
Heartache 

 Sounds like a crazy list of things to want for such a tiny little person.  And it's not a list that I want to inflict upon her myself.  Hearing her cry is one of the hardest things I have to do right now.  Knowing that I can't always give her exactly what she wants is next to impossible.  Leaving her to go to work everyday? Heartbreaking.

But at some point in her life, I want her to have all of the things listed above.  Not necessarily all at once, and not in huge amounts, but I won't ever be able to control that.

I want her to feel want.  Without want, she'll never know comfort and happiness.  Having a deep want not met, or having to wait on it being met, will allow her to feel the joy that comes with experiencing the fulfillment of that want.

I want her to feel pain.  It's unavoidable.  I want her to know what it feels like to hurt so that she will develop compassion for others who are hurt and can empathize for those who are in pain.

I want her to feel hunger.  And that's hard for me to say, because I hate hunger!  But I don't just mean hunger in a physical sense, I also mean in a spiritual sense.  I want her to hunger and thirst for knowledge and compassion and guidance.  I want her to seek God and want to know Him.

I want her to feel sadness.  In order to truly appreciate the highs in life, she will also have to experience the lows in life. 

I want her to feel loneliness.  Of course I would love for her to be sorrounded by friends, but I want her to learn to discern who those friends are, and learn who to trust and whose influence to follow.  At some point, she will have to feel loneliness and seek out the best friends.

I want her to feel heartache.  This one is the hardest.  Especially right now when she has such a tiny, pure heart.  But I know that she will fall in "love" many times.  There will be many boys (sorry, Daddy!) who she will adore, who may not adore her back.  And that's okay.  Even more important than choosing her friends, her heart will need to seek God's choice for her future mate.  And sometimes that means she will have heartache.  And I know that it will make her love for her perfect match even greater.

I always thought that I'd want only comfort, luxury, and total happiness for my children... and then there was Ella.

He has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich He has sent away empty.
Luke 1:53